Wednesday, September 3

The RNC Commentary

(NOTE: This article contains a number of inaccuracies which have since come to my attention. I don't care. The article stays as is, because I sincerely believe that Palin is unqualified to be Vice President. As her record has shown, she is not even fit to be governor of Alaska or Mayor of Wasilla. She is fit to be a hockey mom. Leave the running of the country to the men.


Right now I'm watching the Republican National Convention. I really, really can't function right now, due to the uncontrollable rage flaming within my soul that threatens to blaze its way through my chest and consume my friends and fellow Obama supporters. Honestly, if I think about the insane hypocrisy being touted right now on TV (Romney calling the Supreme Court liberal, the Governor of Hawaii stating that being mayor of a town of 5,000 is qualification for being president, Giuliani dancing around spewing "9/11", etc.) I will go out and crush the first car I see with a McCain sticker on it with my bare hands. Seriously.
So, instead, I have decided to publish a never-before-read letter which I received a few days ago from now-famous tard baby, Trig Palin. Due to the sensitive nature of the letter, I have been keeping it to myself, but since watching the RNC has thrown me into a true ADI alcoholic rage, I figure what the hell.
The country needs to read this. Please excuse the misspellings and poor sentence structure, and keep in mind that this was written by a five-month-old retard Republican.

Deaw Amewica,
Erm, erm, ok, ok, I has to say this about my mommy being the pwesident lady.
Ok, erm, ok.

Pwease elect my mommy Sawa
[sic] to be pwesident. I wealize...

Okay, I'm sick and tired of typing this mongoloid shit. Let me just translate it as I type it out.

Dear America,
This is Trig Palin speaking. Yes, yes, I know that my name is retarded, but then again, so am I. I would just like to speak on behalf of my mother's campaign to promote both her and McCain and, in fact, the Republican party at large.
Please overlook the fact that my sister is now pregnant out of wedlock. That's not an important Republican value, and I'd like to say right now that people's families are off-limits. Seriously. (If you want to go debate whether or not my mommy is named Sarah or Bristol, go here.) It doesn't change the fact that I'm retarded, which is really what I want to talk about right now.
My mommy is running on a platform right now which flies in the face of everything she claims qualifies her as a Real American. Her daughter is pregnant, yet she slashed funding for teen mothers in Alaska. There's no need for welfare suckers like those unwed mothers to put a drain on our economy when we're in a liberal-caused recession. I fully look forward to the day when I turn eighteen and my mommy and all other Republicans turn me out into the world to get my own job. I don't want to be a drain on the economy, and I fully expect to have a great living making minimum wage in a fast-food restaurant before I die six months later in the gutter. Yes, I know that my mommy in her speech said that she loves special needs children, but that was after she had a tard baby like myself. Before I came along, she cut funding for special needs kids by 62%.
I want to see my America drilled. I want to see offshore oil rigs off the coastline. I don't want to be taken care of by the government, and I don't want to suck off the taxes of the able-bodied. I expect to get a haircut and a real job, not to be a hippy like those liberals.
Also, please ignore the Republican lambasting of the unions and the subsequent claiming that my father is "proudly" a member of the Steelworker's Union. Please ignore the fact that my sister is pregnant while my mother supports abstinence-only education in public schools. Please ignore the fact that my mother was part of a creepy Alaskan separatist cadre. Please ignore the fact that my mommy supports creationism taught in schools while having a retarded son (proof that God had no hand in my formation). And please ignore the pictures of my mommy wearing a shirt that calls attention to her boobies.
That's just creepy.
Please heed the advice of a five-month-old retard Republican. I don't want to be taken care of just because of my disability. That's what hippies and minorities do. I want to chase the American dream, and I want to die in a gutter if I have to.
Go America.

-Trig Palin.

God, I hate Republicans. Seriously, vote Obama.

Bring me a drink. Some malt liquor, please.
Click this shit!

3 Bullshit Responses:

Blogger West Coast Grrlie Blather left the following bullshit...

Oh, that we could drink together. Why is it that thinking leads to drinking? And both lead to linking, as you have to me.

9:36 PM  
Blogger Molly left the following bullshit...

AMEN. Finally, someone truly breaks it all down for us. I commend you, Austin and baby Trig.

(side note: who the hell names a baby "Trig" anyway?!!!)

10:27 PM  
Blogger Dusty left the following bullshit...

Lawd have mercy these Repubes are gonna give the blogosphere plenty to blog about for the next two months.

However, if the assholes actually win in Nov we got a whole lotta shit for the next four years...and I hope to hell that is NOT the case.

Cheers! ;p

6:18 PM  

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