Thursday, November 10

National Coming Out Day is for Homos

In case you're an insensitive asshole, let me explain to you what National Coming Out Day is. It's a magical day when people with alternate sexual identities can "come out of the closet" and "be themselves" among us "breeders". It's held on October.....wait, hold on, let me Google it....

Okay, yeah, it's on October 11. Sorry I didn't know it off the top of my head, but then again I'm an insensitive asshole. Let me drive that statement about me being an insensitive asshole home by saying that I think Coming Out Day is completely retarded and should be rendered a moot point by society and religion alike.
I'm a big supporter of gay rights*. Whether or not homosexuality comes about as a result of genetic predisposition or if it's something formed by your childhood environment is really a matter of speculative masturbation; as long as people feel they need to be a certain way and it doesn't interfere with the way I live my life, I couldn't really give a fart in a high wind. However, I do think that National Coming Out Day is completely stupid. No one should have to restrict the way they live their life to one day; people should be able to act however they want for the entire year.
There's really no need to resort to charades and massive displays of color to display one's homosexual tendencies (unless being loud and flashy is part of the gay genetic composition, which very well may be the case). Gay rights need to be argued for in a logical, well-reasoned way that will appeal to the legal powers that be. Either that or we need to pack the Senate and Supreme Court with a bunch of closet cases and have them burst forth in a surprising legal display akin to a stripper busting out of a birthday cake. "Huzzah!" they'll proclaim. "Gay rights for everyone!" Then we can have a national party where everyone wears stylish hats and drinks chablis. Hurrah! Boy, that would make the news. Fuck well-reasoned arguments about the rational choices of mature consenting adults and the fact that homosexuality really doesn't hurt anyone or threaten the institution of marriage**; let's go chalk some campus sidewalks and give ourselves a fake national holiday!
Seriously, though, I think that this whole charade is laughable at best. Instead of throwing big gay rallies and pinning little rainbows to their shirts, gay people need to get themselves a gay version of Martin Luther King. That way they can have great speaking at their rallies instead of some crying pussy weeping about how he almost killed himself in high school when he felt ostracized. They need to adopt the practice of passive resistance in order to get what they want. Wait, maybe gay people have already adopted passive resistance and all of us heteros have been mistaking it as BDSM porn. Now there's a point to ponder.
Moving on....
What I'm trying to say here is that gay people need to integrate themselves into society instead of bitching about how people ridicule them. Stop being pussies and punch someone in the face. If I were gay and a bunch of douchebags in sheets were burning a cross in my yard, I'd just get my shotgun and unload on them. Sure, the judge might not give me the benefit of the doubt because I'm gay, but after awhile people sure as hell wouldn't burn crosses in my yard. And I'd be a gay person in prison. Everyone wins!
Gay people shouldn't put up with any shit; I'm not advocating that. But nobody is going to be convinced by marches and rallies. Don't try and change yourself, and don't try to make other people realize how "persecuted" you are - anyone who's going to take the time to listen to your polemics is already on your side. The only thing that's going to convince people who think violence is a viable solution to solving "the gay problem" is a good swift kick in the nuts. Don't take shit from anyone, and don't give us a bunch of pansy shit. Just be yourself. Goddammit, am I sick and tired of college students telling me how persecuted they are. If I were persecuted because I like to have sex with women, I'd just kill people until everyone left me alone. That's what gay people should do.

And they should also bring me a drink. Something fruity.

*I know that I use a lot of words like "faggot" and "gay" with negative connotations in my writing. They're colloquial terms that have nothing to do with homosexuality - get used to them. If you don't accept that, you're gay. Faggot.
** Yeah, right. Gay people don't threaten the institution of marriage. If white trash bastards marry their cousins and have retarded kids at whom they throw empty bottles of shitty gin, everyone cheers; if gay people want to have a loving relationship and adopt a child in need of a loving home, we all freak out and throw a KKK meeting. Fuck you if you don't support gay marriage. Homo.
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3 Bullshit Responses:

Anonymous Anonymous left the following bullshit...

Uh...you say the gays need a Martin Luther King Jr...and then go on to say that marches and rallies won't work. MLK Jr's thing was all about the marches, baby. You make no sense.

5:33 PM  
Anonymous Lindsey left the following bullshit...

That's the best entry in your blog so far.

6:00 PM  
Anonymous Freyja left the following bullshit...

I just found your blog and I couldn't decide if I wanted to pee my pants laughing or build a shrine to worship you.

You take sex as payment right?

1:43 PM  

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