Wednesday, October 26

Riots are the shit

When the Sox won the ALCS, pandemonium broke out at Illinois State University. Apparently there were crowds of people in the street, cops, riot gear, etc. Unfortunately, I missed it because I was working on some academic shit (read: jerking off to gay porn).
Tonight the White Sox swept the Astros in the World Series. Not to be slighted, I saw this as an opportunity to participate in some decidedly ADI-like activities. Fuck academics (gay porn can wait for another day). Despite the fact that I have been a lifelong Cardinals fan, I decided to go support my Southside Homies in their various destructive activities.
I hitched a ride with some girls. We arrived just in time to see a glut of people making their way through the middle of the street. We followed them to a nearby junior high school, and were there just as the crowd pulled down the north field goal posts. Whenever your night starts off with a field goal post being destroyed, you know it's going to be good.
Mob mentality swiftly overcame me. I didn't care where I was going; I just trusted the ol' Irish luck and followed groups of people that appeared to be moving in a determined direction. The goal post was carried down the middle of the street and deposited at a (normally) busy intersection. Street signs and construction barriers didn't stand a chance; anyone with a mind to was breaking whatever he wanted at will. I was so happy that I couldn't even participate. All I could do was watch and smile. This was heaven.
The crowd moved to the ISU quad, where there was a stage and a DJ set up. Soon the place was filled with at least two thousand people. People were body surfing. I kept screaming my support for gay rights (I was informed later that this wasn't a gay rights parade by a rather large black I started screaming my support for "colored people's rights") and moving with the crowd. The girls I came with nancied out and decided to go home. Not me.
Soon the cops were on the scene. The flashing red and blue lights, along with the flashes from hundreds of cameras, created a veritable cornucopia of strobes. It was like being at a rave, but with drunk redneck college assholes instead of creepy greasy assholes on ecstasy. The cops ushered everyone off the stage and stood there, impeding any future attempts at crowd surfing. I gotta say, they certainly stood their ground, considering the fact that they didn't have any protective face gear and there were bottles of all kinds flying at them from indignant college students.
After the quad was broken up, someone started chanting "To the streets! To the streets!" It doesn't matter who was chanting this - at this point we were all sheep.
We returned to the streets, hundreds strong, and stood in the face of traffic. More cops showed up. These cops had riot gear. Fuck them.
We ressurected the goal post and carried it on our shoulders. It was like one of those riots you hear about in places like Rwanda, except that there was really no justifiable reason for ours and we had a broken field goal post, whereas they only had Maltov cocktails. Rwanda sucks compared to us. We returned to the quad, depositing the post in a giant empty bowl-shaped fountain and spun it around. This was stopped, once again, by the cops. Fuck them.
Luckily, I ran into a guy with whom I work somewhere amidst the writhing mass of people. He reeked of beer and was carrying a Sox flag. I joined him mostly because his dad's a city cop and he is therefore immune to consequences.
Once again, amidst the cries of "Let's go White Sox!" and "Fuck the po-lice!", the cry "To the streets! To the streets!" was raised. We returned to the main thoroughfare and began marching. I don't know who started it, but the mob soon began shouting that we should walk to I-55, which goes to Chicago. So we started.
Did I mention that I-55 was about three miles away?
We continued walking down the middle of the road. Nothing could stop us. Every street sign we encountered was demolished. One image which sticks out in particular to me is that of a group of perhaps seven college students all pulling in tandem to destroy a street sign. It was a sort of fucked up Iwo Jima snapshot in reverse. This was paradise.
People started destroying fences to houses we encountered. Pumpkins were smashed, lights were put out, and Halloween decorations were destroyed. This all came to a head when a random guy put a freshly plucked street sign through some window in a random house. I felt bad for those people, but mob mentality demanded that I cheer for this act of wanton barbarism.
Scary Adam calls me. He is not checking on me, knowing that I am participating in mob action. He is not concerned for my well-being. He wants to know if he can borrow my headphones. I yell "Fuck you, nigger!" ignoring the fact that I am standing next to about four blacks guys. They laugh. Scary Adam returns the sentiment, then starts talking. I hang up. He sends me a text message which says "Fuck you." Fuck him.
We are almost to I-55. The cops have been with us the whole time, watching as we walk down the middle of one of the busiest roads in town. There is an altercation between a black lady trying to drive through the crowd and some asshole in a tank top who is dancing in front of her car. She gets out of her car and goes to the trunk, presumably to grab a blunt object of some sort. He walks away. College students are pussies.
My co-worker and I have almost reached 55. He informs me that his dad and pals have tear gas and mace and will not hesitate to use it. We decide that he should drive me home.
I am home now. Riots are the shit. I suggest that we have one every day.

I'm tired. Bring me a drink.
Click this shit!

1 Bullshit Responses:

Anonymous lindsey left the following bullshit...

Erin and I watched some of that from my apartment. Good for you.

12:50 AM  

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