Sunday, October 16

A Day of Magic

One month from today, the world will celebrate a momentous occasion in the history of mankind. All people will join hands, circle around, and sing of the moment when, twenty-one years ago, God took a giant shit on the world. That's right, it's a-gonna be my birfday.
I'm writing this post now so that all you cheap-ass lowlives won't have an excuse not to get me a present for my birthday. Because I will be turning twenty-one (the Last Great American Birthday), I am going to do a couple of things:
1) Reflect on how I've changed over the past year.
2) Think about how I'm going to improve myself in the coming year
3) Get shitfaced
4) Forget about numbers 1 and 2
Also, since it's my birthday, I expect everyone to get me a present. Seriously. Now that you've been informed of this, here are some of my favorite things so you'll know what to buy me:
Favorite Whiskey: Jameson. Or Knob Creek.
Favorite Scotch: Glenlivet. The older, the better.
Favorite Beer: Killian's Irish Red. Or Guinness. But mostly Killian's.
Favorite Books and Media: This one's a little harder to nail down. Basically, if you get me anything that has to do with witches, demons, or the occult, I'll be happy. Although pop culture fiction is good (no Ann Rice or Stephen King - Ann Rice sucks dick and I own almost every Stephen King book written), the older shit like Masticationes Mortorium or some demonology treatises would be fricking amazing. I'm a sucker for that shit. Also, I need to pick up bilingual Latin works in order to work on my knowledge of that awesome language. A Latin Bible, a bilingual copy of the Aeneid, or a copy of the Malleus Maleficarum would be awesome. And any movies with puppets. I fucking love puppet movies. Muppet movies, Fraggle Rock, anything like that. Buy it for me.
Favorite Sexual Gift: Threesome. Or a striptease. But preferably a threesome. Actual sex need not be included, just three people gettin' naked and having fun. Always a good birthday gift.
Favorite Gifts: Spontaneous, hilarious, useful ones from the heart. Like a sword.

If nothing else, do this for me: come to my house on my birthday and drink with me. That would be present enough for me. And bring me a drink.

One month and counting......
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