Monday, September 19

Baby T's? Yes, Please!

Man, do I love it when chicks wear baby T's. I'm not talking about hot chicks who might actually have a chance of looking good in such skimpy clothing; no, I'm talking about walking leviathans with enough rolls to start a goddam bakery in their love handles alone. You know what I love even more than seeing a fat chick in a baby T? A fat TWELVE-YEAR-OLD chick in a baby T! With the word "Slut" written in rhinestones across her fat chest! At least, I assume it says "Slut", because the shirt has been stretched out so much that many of the rhinestones have flown off with enough velocity to punch holes in the wall while the remaining ones have been condensed into a meaningless line. Who knows? Maybe it says "Trouble"! Maybe it says "You're jealous"! It's a mystery.
In all seriousness, the real mystery lies in the motive of such a fucking manatee to wear something so skimpy. I'm not against skimpy clothing and I'm not against fat people. Well, I am against fat people. But skimpy clothing is cool. I am for everyone trying to look their best. As a result, I am completely against lardasses in low-rise jeans and baby T's or halter tops. What the hell are you trying to prove? That you've got enough excess flesh to create an entirely new person? That your daily planner has "Krispy Kreme" written in it six times? That every time you've ever said "I'll get to the bottom of this," you've been holding a can of Crisco?*
Fuck fat people trying to pretend like they're beautiful. It's disgusting. I know girls who are a bit heavy who are perfectly attractive, and they don't pull it off by dressing in clothes that look like they've been purchased at Baby Gap. If you're going to wear a shirt that says "Half Angel, Half Devil" on the front, then why don't you just condense the two words and write "ANVIL" in huge letters across your chest? Then go shoot yourself.
But not before you bring me a drink.

* That just made me think of a new "Eating Disorder vs. Eating Problem" joke:
Eating Problem: Every time you've said "I'll get to the bottom of this," you've been holding a can of Crisco
Eating Disorder: Every time you've said "I'll get to the bottom of this," you've been standing on a scale.
Click this shit!

4 Bullshit Responses:

Anonymous Anonymous left the following bullshit...

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12:53 PM  
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3:35 PM  
Blogger Sexy Karen left the following bullshit...

People who wear tight ass clothes that they have to struggle against everything holy to get into do not look hot. But Austin can't you just let these people have their illusion that they look hot? It's all they cling to. Let them have their dream. Let them dream.

11:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous left the following bullshit...

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2:27 PM  

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