Saturday, June 18

Redneck? Blue Collar? White Trash!

Ever since Jeff Foxworthy launched his infamous "You might be a Redneck if...." franchise, it seems that more and more Americans have started traveling down the slippery shit-laden road to white trashdom. With the advent of assholes like Larry the Cable Guy and that stupid ass "Tater Salad" fuck, more and more of the media has been devoted to the glorification of this American infection. Fuck white trash. Fuck blue collar. Fuck redneck jokes. This horseshit is nothing more than white peoples' glorification of their own trashiness. Black people were able to make fun of the ghettos where they lived; Mexican people were able to make fun of the fact that their huge families were living in houses too small to contain them. White people, as always, looked around, realized that they had it fucking easy, and then decided to glorify white trashdom so they could be more interesting.
Fuck that shit. There is one place and one place only for white trash living: frat houses. Furniture made from beer cans, random tin signs, duct tape furniture, giant canvas advertisements for Keystone Light stolen from the outside of gas stations, pizza box pyramids and parties where women are paid to remove their clothing all belong in frat houses. Outside of frat life, all this shit is just white trash living.
Because of bullshit like "Blue Collar TV", now upper-middle class college students think it's fashionable to spend their parents' money on big trucks and shirts with mottos like "Good Ol' Boy". It's now cool to have a neon sign advertising Pabst Blue Ribbon in one's dorm room. Trucker hats, camoflauge, junky couches and empty Boone's Farm bottles have now become part of the landscape of America's "higher education". I swear to God, if I have to see one more fucking Confederate flag with the words "Git-'r'-Done" emblazoned underneath it, I will fucking flip out.
Country music has now become the most popular music genre in America. This shit promotes vigilante justice, alcoholism, misogyny, and racism. One song, "Beer for my Horses", hearkens back to the good ol' days when men form a mob and kill criminals in the street. Another song likens Muslims to the forces of Satan. What the fuck is this shit? When did it become acceptable to use Christianity as a reason to kill people with whom you didn't agree? I take that back...this shit has been going on since about 1145, so I guess it shouldn't surprise me that shitheads are still pulling this kind of tomfuckery now.
Fuck you, Larry the Cable Guy, you fucking fat piece of shit. "Git-'r'-Done"? What the fuck does that even mean? Burn in hell, you fat piece of shit. By the looks of that spare tire you got goin' on, it looks like you'll burn for a good long time. Jeff Foxworthy, you're not funny. Saying shit like "If you've had sex with your sister, your aunt, your cousin, and your grandmother, and you've only had sex with one person in your life, you might be a redneck!" is not funny. It's fucking sad.
Why am I so pissed about this? Because I live in central Illinois, deep in the heart of White Trash country. Seeing this kind of shit glorified by TV isn't amusing, it's pathetic. It's only made this kind of horseshit worse. Now every trailer-dwelling, Schlitz-swilling, pork rind-eating, pigfucking asshole thinks it's not only ok, it's commendable to roll in their trashy nature like a pig in shit. Incest is a very real issue here - I've had a number of friends tell me how members of their immediate family attempted carnal relations with them while under the influence. Rebel flags aren't funny - many of the people I've seen wearing them have expressed in no uncertain terms their distaste for minorities. Alcoholism, chewing tobacco, beastiality, trashy women - all of it's horseshit.
Not only this, but a majority of these "blue collar redneck" types have never even been close to any sort of real country living. I was raised on a farm. As a kid, I shoveled shit, milked cows and birthed lambs. That life sucks, and that's why I and every real farmer I know has sought to avoid that kind of life by attending college or by living a non-trashy life. If you're going to claim to be a "good ol' boy" or to be an "old-fashioned cowboy," you should at least have spent some time around cows. I don't think that's too much to ask. Stop being a fucking poser and acting like the people you see on TV. I'm calling out all you upper-class wannabe white trash assfuckers. You want to be a "good ol' boy," come on over to my farm. We'll shovel shit together and bale hay for about six hours. Then we can haul feed to the animals. Then when your ass is passed out from exhaustion we'll see who's the "blue collar man". Assholes.
This entire post may seem hypocritical coming from someone whose blog is based on alcoholic tendencies and passive-agressive rantings. Fuck you, at least I have some class about it. Now go fucking bring me a fucking drink. An expensive one. And if you so much as look at a Rebel flag, I'll kill you.
Click this shit!

2 Bullshit Responses:

Blogger Sriram left the following bullshit...

Dude, seriously. you've hit the nail ON the fucking head... Too many posers around.. believe me.. this is coming from a dude from a third world country now in the States and I hate these "red-neck" posers. I'm in what is the "deep south" or whatever and I'm tired of the attitudes of these college-going assholes who think they are damn cowboys.

12:14 AM  
Anonymous Jen left the following bullshit...

NICE, FACE!! So true. I went to high school with many of the losers you describe. The actual farm kids were smart, clean, and hardworking, whereas the ones who wore cowboy hats and boots, chewed tobacco, and drove Confederate flag-draped trucks with no mufflers spent most of their time perfecting their hick accents and entertaining girls with platinum hair gone orange and enough black eyeliner to make Cleopatra look demure. Along with their irritating 'Republican-ness is next to Godliness' attitude, their exaltation of a lifestyle of ignorance and immaturity is revolting. However, props are issued for the hilarity of their chosen hairstyles: the mullets and those mile-high Kentucky-fried bangs do make for a good chortle.

7:18 AM  

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