Tuesday, April 19

Smoking is bad. Stop doing it.

Just kidding. It's not.

Smoking kicks ass. It just happens to be very, very bad for you. This post was inspired by a bunch of shitty commercials on TV. You know those commercials - there'll be an older guy in a suit, and all of a sudden all these X-treme hippy skateboarder mod squad younger hep cats run up to him and start screaming or some shit. Allegedly this guy, as an executive for the tobacco industry, is the bane of America's existence, which justifies people running up to him and screaming at him on the streets shit like "WHY WON'T YOU TELL PEOPLE THE TRUTH?!?!" and throwing corpses at him.
Even worse than these commercials are the newer commercials which shows a bunch of tobacco execs in a sitcom style setting. Frankly, I don't know what the hell these commercials are trying to prove, but I know that at the end it gets all somber and everything's quiet and some voice says some shit like "Big Tobacco is going to kill you."
This is so much bullshit. When the hell are people going to grow up and start accepting responsibility for their actions? What's that, you're addicted to cigarettes? Then stop smoking, you fucking moron! Goddammit, why the hell is everybody so fucking adamant about bringing down Big Tobacco? It's not as if they're forcing you to smoke. They're not. People who smoke choose to smoke of their own volition - no one forces them to.
Oh, and now I suppose you're going to bring out the old "They're selling a product that's addictive and harmful" argument. Please. That's so much bullshit. Companies like McDonald's sell food with astronomical levels of sodium in it. Sodium has been shown to reduce the speed of serotonin reuptake (in other words, you feel damn good after you eat McD's). Sodium is also very bad for your circulatory system. In other words, McDonald's is selling a product that makes you feel good whenever you ingest it, but it's also bad for you. Does McDonald's receive the same kind of bullshit that "Big Tobacco" does?
Well, actually, yeah. Obese teenagers and ambulance-chasing lawyers, along with the help of hippy bastards like that pussy fuck who filmed "Super Size Me", have been trying to go after America's beloved Golden Arches lately. This is also bullshit. To say that someone's obesity is caused by a franchise is absolutely ridiculous. Until the day comes when Marlboro shoves cigarettes in baby's mouths and McDonald's chains teenagers to the bed while providing them with nothing to eat but Big Macs, we have no right to blame anyone else for our current situation. But who's to blame for all this obesity?
Parents.
Today's parents don't do shit for their kids. If their kids are bad, they put them in "Time Out" or don't allow them to play video games. When I was bad as a kid, my parents kicked my ass. They didn't take away my video games, a) because I didn't have any, and b) because my punishment was to go without dinner. I had to do all my chores every day. And they weren't any pussy chores like making my bed or taking out the trash - hell, I wish my life was that easy. I had to haul 50 lb. bags of feed to the chickens, haul bags of feed to the sheep, shovel shit and birth lambs when I was a kid. My parents never cut down on my chore list because I had to go to some pussy karate practice or some fucking track meet. I couldn't do shit until my chores were done. And if I didn't do my chores, I got my ass smacked with whatever piece of wood happened to be nearby.
That's how I learned responsibility, dammit. No one tried to teach me it by getting me a pet goldfish; they fucking beat my ass if I didn't get my shit done. This is why we have obese teenagers and smoking goth kids who hang out at the arcade and spew all this "woe is me" shit. If everyone beat their kids for not performing a demanding daily list of chorse, this world would be a way better place.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah. Smoking kicks ass. It makes you feel good. It's also very bad for you. The same can be said about any number of substances - alcohol, red meat, cocaine, caffeine, and methampetamines are only a few examples. So do with it what you will, and the next time you hear someone bitching about Big Tobacco, tell them to shove it up their ass. And then make them give you a drink.
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3 Bullshit Responses:

Blogger bulb left the following bullshit...

Right on!!!!!!! Smoking is GREAT! And If more people beat up little kids this world would be a hell of a lot better for everyone!
Hell! I'm gonna go outside right now and beat up some snotnose for fun.

10:34 AM  
Anonymous Token left the following bullshit...

shoes, belts, a switch once...sticks, boulders, etc...

all things that should be used in teaching children responsibility...one or two or all of those may or may not have been used in my upbringing...

11:10 PM  
Blogger Machine left the following bullshit...

If everyone beat their kids for not performing a demanding daily list of chorse, this world would be a way better place.


Goddamned right! I hate these P.C. cry-babies that are ruining our country. My grandfather died from emphysema due to smoking for the majority of his life. While I miss him dearly, I don't hold the tobacco companies responsible. He knew what he was doing that entire time.

12:38 AM  

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