Monday, April 11

Me Rikey Rots

I hereby publicly apologize for any and all derogatory things I've ever said about Asian people (and that includes the title of this post) and, in case someone hasn't aleady done so, for the whole Hiroshima and Nagawhatsit thing. You know, the big boomy deal with the melting people and the cancer and shit? Yeah, sorry about that. Why the change of heart? Three words:


....for XBox.
I got home from another day of tutoring to find my roommate with the Beat Pad he got for his birthday and a copy of DDR in his hands. He asked me if I wanted to play. I agreed. After I was done, I immediately wrote this post. I'm writing this post at 1:20 AM. I got home from work around 10:15 PM. You do the math.
Only one other game has given me the same sort of loss of time perception, and that game is Fable (it ranks about a 9.8 on the Angry Drunken Scale of Video Games). I know, I know, it's funny to make fun of people who play DDR. It's funny to point at the goth kids at the mall who hang out and bitch about Society and write shitty poetry and call themselves names like Raven Bloodstain. But let me tell you something, DDR is fuckin' hard.
After a few minutes playing the game on the lightest setting, we were already sweating. However, we persevered. We pushed on in the face of adversity, not caring that the neighbors were hearing the song "Secret Rendezvous" (whose lyrics say something like "We are secret lovers/ underneath the covers) and thumping noises coming from our room with yells of passion peppered among the thumping for a solid three hours. We were champions, goddammit, and by the end of the night we had achieved the high honor of being among the few who have beaten the very easiest level of DDR! This is what America is made of! This is what drives men to fight duels and build big things and to make big engines with metal and grease in order to drive their girlfriends with big boobies to majestic places of more metal and grease!
Playing DDR makes me wish that I was a skinny Asian kid so I didn't have to lug my muscular, rippling physique around the Beat Pad like so much hammered steel. I wish I were light and nimble, like a feather skipping across a wave into the sunset. I wish I didn't have a life.

What prompted the purchase of DDR? My roommate and I are sick and tired of the goth kids kicking our asses in the arcade at the mall. We're going to practice and practice and get our shit down so we can go there and show those motherfuckers how we roll! Fuck yeah!!

You know, it's going to be funny when I wake up in the morning and realize how pathetic this post makes me sound. Fuck it, I'll just drink.
Click this shit!

1 Bullshit Responses:

Anonymous Anonymous left the following bullshit...

Ha ha, I like this post, Austin. Mucho beso.

6:18 PM  

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