Tuesday, March 29

New Superhero

I've come up with the greatest idea for a superhero since Spider-Man. A genius college student by day, streetwalking vigilante by night, he is....

The Silencer!!

Armed with only a penknife, a baseball bat, and his intimate knowledge of the seventeen deadliest martial arts, this hoodie-clad vigilante roams the night seeking those who would disrupt the sleep of the innocent. Drunkenly they stumble, screaming and shouting, when suddenly a shadow looms over them. They turn, finding themselves engulfed in a cloud of pipe smoke, and see the sillhouette of a man shrouded in mystery and sex appeal.
"You have the right to remain silent" is all they hear before the one has his throat ripped out, the other is bludgeoned to death with a bat, and the third is cut in half before he even realizes it. And then, like that, The Silencer vanishes into his own cloud of smoke, seeking another victim. His bloodlust cannot be satiated.
Somewhere else on campus, a car alarm begins blaring. When its owner stumbles out two hours later to shut it off, he finds that the car alarm, affixed to the battery, is the only thing that remains of his precious automobile. As he turns around to make a police report, he is engulfed in a cloud of pipe smoke and is never seen again.
In yet another locale, an impatient driver honks to his slutrag of a girlfriend, yelling at her to get her bitch ass out into the car. He glances at the clock, noting that it is 3 in the morning. He continues to honk, when all of a sudden it gets smoky around his car. A shrouded figure knocks on the window. The driver looks at him, and both of his hands are suddenly removed before he can honk again. He begins to scream, when the figure holds a finger up to his mouth and says "Shhhh..." The buffoon elects to shut up and thereby spares his own life.
Two drunk girls are screaming at each other in the parking lot of a frat house. They are found the next morning suspended from the highest point on campus by their nose rings.
After about a week of this, the campus falls silent on schoolnights around midnight. No one dares to shout about how drunk they are. No car alarms go off. No fire alarms are pulled. Everyone is respectful of other people. Still, on clear nights, a shrouded figure in a hoodie can be seen sillhouetted against the moon on the tops of tall buildings. Witnesses catch only a glimpse of him before a cloud of smoke swallows him up.
Don't be a fucking loud ass on weeknights. Getting drunk is ok - disturbing me in any way, shape, or form is not. If people continue to be loudass bastards and it causes me any sort of discomfort, they will suffer the wrath of....

The Silencer!!!
Click this shit!

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