Wednesday, March 30

My attempt at being multi-cultural

Japanese Movies = Woman having sex with a demon, then turning into a man, then killing another woman and raping her dead body. After this a slime tentacle monster shows up, and then I'm not sure what happens, because by this time I've had an epileptic seizure induced by the flashy scenes and the crappy animation. (Sidenote: Japanese horror movies are scary as shit, though, so I can't disregard all Japanese movies).

Chinese movies = Bitching about some revolution or another. Hero shows up, flies around on wires and executes shitty martial arts moves, and then villain explodes into flames.

Indian movies = Shit. Indian movies have too much singing and Hindu-babble. They'd be better if everyone in them died. We should bomb Bali-wood.

Hong Kong movies = Awesome. Jackie Chan comes from Hong Kong. 'Nuff said. The movie makers were too poor to have anyone edit the fighting sequences, so the actors actually had to do them. That's why they are so beautiful. If you ever want to see a great movie, watch a Hong Kong action movie. A long, beautiful scene containing many awesome feats of human ability and great fighting. Why? Because the movie makers are too damn poor to do it any other way. Honest fight scenes - that's what I like. None of this shitty camera-handling that cuts from one POV to the other and gives me a headache and makes me pray to all the gods of ass-kicking that Jackie or Bruce shows up and kills all those pansy-ass bastards. Jean Claude Van Damme movies are good examples of shitty fight sequences. Stupid French people. I hate them. Bomb Van Damme.
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