Sunday, February 13

Valentine's Day = VD

It's that time of the year again. That time when all those magical little groundhogs poke their heads out of their magical little growing-up-to-be-a-cat-lady burrows. If we hear them utter the magical words, which are as follows:
"Valentine's Day? More like Single's Awareness Day!!! HAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"Right on, Sister Groundhog!! HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAwe're stupid!!"
If we hear these words, then my friends we can expect at least six more weeks of bullshit.

I thought about knocking Valentine's Day in this post, but in all seriousness that's overdone and I generally agree with Valentine's Day anyway. Think about it, a day when the slightest little token of affection, like chocolates or flowers or a $4,000 ring, given with just the right words practically ensures nookie of some sort. VD is fucking pimp. Finally, an excuse for guys like me to give shit to women without the risks of restraining orders and dads with shotguns. Which brings me to the main point of my post: people who bitch about Valentine's Day are fucking losers.
I swear to God, the next time I hear another ugly person (and ugly refers to the external and the internal) comment about Single's Awareness Day (hereinafter, SAD), I am going to look them straight in the eye and say, "Maybe if you weren't such an ugly stupid bitchy piece of shit you wouldn't be able to make that joke. Now bring me a drink or get out of my way." Seriously, who the hell bitches about being alone on VD? Oh, that's right: the people who can't get action because they suck.
People who are single by choice are single by choice. They're fine. They have better things to do with their time. People who have a significant other are fine. They have someone. People like me have a long list o' ladies we can call and hang with. We are always good to be alone or to have someone with us. You know, depending on the mood.
But people who are alone on VD and then bitch about it? Fuck them. They suck. More often than not it's some ugly ass bitch who thinks she's being clever because she heard the SAD joke from someone else and now she's using it to gain attention. Either that or it's some "I'm always the nice guy who never gets any" fag who repeats this shit because he hears is from his bitch friends and think it's funny to act like they do.
I can't wait for the away messages tomorrow: "Happy Single's Awareness Day!!!", "OUT WITH MY SINGLE GIRLS ON SINGLE'S AWARENESS DAY!!!" or funniest of all, "why haven't you called, I'm so alone and I have a gun and I'm thinking of using it because I'm alone on VD." The second I see one, I'm IMing that person with a link to this site. That should make them feel better. Or maybe some advice. Ok, here goes.....

GUYS: Go out, buy a dozen roses at Wal-Mart (or better yet, steal some free flowers from a graveyard), give them one by one to various girls. Girls alone on Valentine's Day are easy as hell. They're in the same pickle you are, they don't want to be alone and will latch on to any sign of human contact in order to validate themselves. They will do anything to maintain this contact. You hear me? Anything!

GIRLS: Stay away from guys like me.

Happy VD, bitches.
Click this shit!

3 Bullshit Responses:

Anonymous Anonymous left the following bullshit...

I think I've seen you use the "nice guy not getting any" line.

11:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous left the following bullshit...

You still won't get any Austin. Wanna know why? Because Allah hates you.


8:04 AM  
Blogger The Angry Drunken Irishman left the following bullshit...

Allah may hate me, but your mom sure loves me. And I mean that sexually.

11:17 AM  

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