Saturday, February 19

People are bitches

I am not what you would call a typical smoker. I smoke the occasional pipe, and I enjoy a good cigar once in a while. I'm not even one of those people who claims that "I only smoke when I drink", particularly because if I did that then I would be a pack-a-day smoker. I don't even particularly care for it when smokers smoke around me. But man, do those poor fuckers have it rough.
People can't smoke in restaurants. People can't smoke in bars. People can't even smoke outside their goddam office building, and the office doesn't provide them a place to smoke. Sure, it's kind of a disgusting habit, but do we have to discriminate against people just because of their habits? I think that if we are going to pull this kind of shit on smokers, we need to concentrate our discriminatory efforts on another, even more annoying group of people: people on cell phones.
I own a cell phone. I utilize it on occasion. But goddammit, I hate these fucking retarded bitches who act like the only way to talk to another human being is to press a piece of irradiated metal against their skull. I see people talking on cell phones everywhere: in the library, in restaurants, in the supermarket in front of me while the remedial class high-school cashier tries to figure out how to let them pay for their purchases with welfare checks. Fucking everywhere. And no one says shit. Sure, second-hand smoke has carcinogenic properties when used in close proximity for a long duration of time, so maybe we should ban smoking in, say, nurseries. But it seems hypocritical for us as a society to disallow a relatively harmless activity while at the same time allowing walking examples of reverse evolution to carry on meaningless monologues such as this:
"Hello? Hello?!? HELLO!!! D'FAWNDUH, CAN YOU HEAR ME GIRL?!?! HUH?!?! CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? OH SHIT, I SOUND JUST LIKE THAT GUY IN THE COMMERCIAL, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! HELLO? YOU THERE?"
Being around someone on a cell phone makes me want to instantly grab the nearest blunt object and go Paleolithic on some ass. What the fuck is wrong with these people? Do they think that, along with a camera and voicemail, their phone came with a magical cloaking and dampening device which renders them imperceptible to passersby? Do they not realize that we can hear all their details about who they slept with, where that rash is, and who the father might be? Goddammit, I fucking hate cell phone people. I feel like I need a cigarette just thinking about them.
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